Random Oneshots
by imnotsuretbh
Summary: Random one shots with the Dead Men and my OC Ezra Bloom, some of these aren't in line with the books or my own two fics. Hope you enjoy!
1. Witches pt 1

The witch was an odd looking gal, Valkyrie thought dully. She was in the center of the Dead Men, shrieking words in an old language that none of them knew. Skulduggery whistled and Dexter, Ghastly, Erskine, Ezra, Valkyrie and Skulduggery himself summoned magic quickly, and then Skulduggery yelled

"Now!"

Everyone unleashed. There was mostly fire, mixed in with a pale blue energy stream, a long flash of lightning and a stream of bright, white hot gold. The horrible creature gave one last scream, that turned to gargles as she turned to dust.

"She was ugly." Valkyrie said, then frowned. She hadn't wanted to say that. She had thought it, but she intended to keep it just that; a thought. The Dead Men looked at her.

"We'd best get going, can't have that creepy spider bitch waiting." Anton said. Then he frowned.

"I think I know what's going on..." Skulduggery said, looking between them.

"Of course you do, you know everything." Ezra said mockingly, then looked shocked. Skulduggery tilted his head at his little sister, and Valkyrie knew he was raising an eyebrow despite the lack of them.

"Thanks for your input, Ezra. Nice to see you've finally grown a back bone. The witch cast a truth spell on us. That's what she was screaming."

"Why?" Erskine asked.

"For how long?" Dexter followed. Skulduggery shrugged.

"I don't know." He said.

"This sucks." Ghastly said.

They sat in silence on the way back, not trusting themselves to speak.

"Who is going to debrief Madame Mist diplomatically in this state?" Ezra asked.

"You should, you're the nice one." Erskine said.

"You and Dexter." Ghastly agreed. Ezra shook her head and Dexter looked up.

"No, absolutely not. I'll say something that'll get me fired, I know it." Dexter countered.

"Me too. I say nice things, that isn't always what I'm thinking." Ezra said.

Valkyrie chuckled, imagining Ezra arguing with Mist.

"What if we explained why we can't see her in a note. was a success, that's all we have to say." Saracen said.

Valkyrie took her phone out and started an email.

 _Dear Madame Mist._

 _I am speaking on behalf of the Dead Men. The mission was a success. Sort of. We are unable to attend the debriefing today, sorry. Sort of._

 _From Valkyrie Cain._

She reread the message to the group and they nodded. She hit send. Ghastly turned left instead of right, heading to his shop, away from people. The continued in silence for the rest of the way. They sat in the back room of the shop in silence, no one daring to speak in fear of what they might say, about each other and everyone. Ezra was bouncing her leg, her fingers tirelessly twirling her hair.

"That's it." She said abruptly, getting up and walking to a cupboard. Everyone watched her suspiciously. She picked up as many bottles of alcohol as she could carry. She passed a bottle to everyone, rum or whiskey or tequila or vodka, Anton was holding a bottle of Absinthe.

"Why...?" Dexter asked, holding up his bottle of whiskey.

"We don't know how long this lasts and we cannot sit around in total silence for the rest of our lives. So," she opened her bottle of tequila, "We drink. Get everything out in the open." she finished, taking three large gulps. She screwed her face up, coughed, then wiped her mouth. Valkyrie shrugged. She hadn't ever really got drunk before, even though she was twenty one. She took a long sip of her vodka and it took her all not to sputter it back out.

"Everything _is_ easier when you're drunk..." Ghastly said, downing a good quarter of his rum.

"I feel vastly left out of these bad habits." Skulduggery said.

"You're the one that just haaaaad to go and DIE!" Ezra said, taking another huge drink.

"I'm starting to think this isn't a good idea." Skulduggery said, staring at his friends as they drank quickly.

"We can hold our booze just fine, _you_ were always the one throwing up or passing out." Anton said, cautiously drinking the luminous green liquid.

"Yeah, that's right! I remember you had seven rums and passed out. We all went strong the rest of the night! Hell, your little sister out drank you!" Erskine said, barking out a laugh. Valkyrie was laughing now too, they all were.

Valkyrie's chest felt warm, she felt happy.

"Remember when I said I had those three warlock girls? I lied guys. They looked at me for a second and I ran as fast as my legs could take me." Saracen said breezily, smiling at the memory.

"I fancy Tanith Low." Said Ghastly, swaying slightly, his bottle nearly empty.

"I always thought that." Ezra said, smirking.

"Everyone did, sister." Skulduggery said. He was sulking that he was left out.

"The circumstances were awful, but i'm glad we came together. I don't know what I'd do without you guys." Ezra said. Valkyrie giggled.

"Billy-Ray is hot." Valkyrie said, nodded.

"Yeah he is!" Ezra agreed, stretching over Ghastly and Dexter to clink bottles. Valkyrie laughed even more.

They talked for ages, hours. Being totally honest and happy and content. It wasn't much of a curse. Valkyrie could see how it could be, but so long as they kept themselves relatively isolated from the outside world they would be fine.


	2. Witches pt 2

**I am well aware this goes against a one shot but I wanted to add in more intimate parts SO. Also, i wasn't gonna do Valduggery but i changed my mind so...**

The night went on into the early hours, the seven sorcerers finishing their drinks then drinking more. Skulduggery observed but didn't say a great deal. They all fell asleep in that small room, some on the floor, some on the couches. Skulduggery went out to buy some groceries, knowing fully they would be hungover, cranky and hungry. He drove, worrying the steering wheel. He had to keep his mouth sbut and it'd be fine. Worsr come to worst she would say no. And their partnership would strain under the awkwardness and then, eventually, they would drift apart because nothing would be the same and then they wouldn't speak anymore. Wouldn't be friends. Wouldn't be partners.

 _Stop thinking._ He orderd himself, staring at the road ahead. He could just not go back. Stay by himself until the curse worn out. If it ever did.

Ezra groaned, sitting up slowly. She felt awful. Ghastly's shop was a mess so she busied herself in cleaning it as quietly she could. She picked up all the bottles, dropping one. She quickly summoned vines to break the fall, having a moment to feel impressed. She took them all out and recycled them, and when she got back, much to her dread, Dexter was sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked up at her and she looked at him. She smiled faintly then turned on her beel. She couldn't speak to him. She just couldn't trust herself. She was a few yards out when Dexter cought up.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"No," Ezra heard herself, "I'm really hungover and I don't want to speak to you because I'm scared of what I will say." she said. She winced at herself. She hadn't wanted to say that.

"Okay... Should i go back?" Dexter asked slowly.

"No I want you here... But I also don't want you here... You know?" she asked.

"No, I can't say that i do." He said evenly. They walked in silence, Ezra's hands buried deep in her pockets.

"So. How are you?" Ezra asked, desperate for the awkward silence to go away. Dexter shrugged.

"I'm okay. Been better, been worse. I'm curious as to whag you can't say, but I don't want to ask you." He answered, shrugging. Ezra bit her lip.

"I'm in love with you, Dexter Vex." She said, wanting it to be out there, for the anticipation to go away. She was four steps ahead when she realised Dexter had stopped walking. Ezra stopped, took a long, deep breath and turned to face him. He closed the gap in two strides and before she could say, do or think anything his lips were pressed against hers. His hand was on her cheek, his head bowed. She was utterly still for a moment, then she wrapped her arm around his neck, standing on her tip toes, her other hand on his chest.

Then a car horn sounded and they jumped apart, Skulduggery pulling up to park. He got out of the car, a shopping bag in hand as he locked the Bentley.

"I see some good has come out of this." He said smoothly. Ezra felt her face burning, and Dexter was grinning.


	3. Freaky Friday

China Sorrows was upset. Ever since that horrid creature swapped their powers, she had Skulduggery Pleasant's powers. And they were just so... _Mundane._ Elemental was powerful and effecient and all the rest of it, but she wanted her owm charm back. Her own magic. At the very least she would have preferred Ezra Bloom's, or Valkarie Cain's newfound magic. She would have even taken Dexter Vex's. But no. She had Skulduggery's. Or Ghastly's. There was simply no way to tell because they were both the _exact_ same and both equally... _Boring._ China clicked her fingers and a flame sparked. She sighed and her sigh blew the flame out. She desperately wanted her magic back. But right now Ezra had it.

And Ezra was having fun. She was drawing sigils everywhere. People were just being so _nice_ to her. She didn't have to lift a finger, everyone was doing eveything they could to accommodate her and for the time being she was not going to complain. She drew a third _lock_ sigil on her door, just because she could. She idly wondered how Fletcher was doing with her own magic.

He was scared. He did _not_ know how to control them. At all. He had tripped over his own vines, burned a hole into the shower floor, nearly flooded Ghastly's van and kept turning up in random places. He thought he could manage wind, at the very least, but no. It wasn't like his own teleportation. It was a completly diffdifferent game. He was currently wrapping vines around a pillar in the Sanctuary because it was one of the only things he knew how to do. He just wanted his own skill back from Dexter.

Dexter laughed as he frightened Ezra, again. That's all he had been doing. Jumping from place to place to scare the Dead Men. Everyone hated him, and he knew it, but he was having far too much fun to care. Ezra looked at him and he found himself begging for her forgivness, and then it was her turn to laugh at him, throwing a pillow at him. He had disappeared before it hit him. He appeared just as Saracen threw an energy ball in his general direction.

Saracen was having the time of his life. He had never had an offensive power, and he was living for it. He just kept zapping things, for no reason other than the fact that he enjoyed it. He liked his magic, he did, but for the mean time Skulduggery could keep them because he was just having _so much fun._

Skulduggery knew more things than he did before, and he longed for his elemental abilities back. He didn't need to know more things, he just needed to set someone on fire. Which he was scared Anton was going to do.

And Anton was damn near close to doing so if Dexter snuck up on him one more time. Dexter appeared and Anton blew a gust of gale force wind and knocked him into the wall. He grinned as Dexter slid to the floor. Then the bastard disappeared again. Anton wasn't too fussed on not having his gist. But he was scared of Valkarie, that was for sure.

He had every reason to be to, because Valkarie was just really angry all the time, and it felt like an itch in her chest. The gist wanted out and she knew it. Part of her wanted to do it, very badly indeed, but part of her was just as scared of an even moodier Valkarie as everyone else was. On the bright side, however, Ghastly was really enjoying his time with the Lightning and magic auras.

Whenever Ghastly passed a sorcerer, he couldn't help telling them their aura colour because it was just so _cool._ And as for the lightning, well he was just envious that his surge hadn't gone magnificently wrong so that he ended up with fancy lightning bolts.

It had now been three weeks and they were all desperate for their own, famiar magic back. But there was no change. They didn't even have an leads on who might have the drastic swap. They had been on many missions and failed them because they simply didn't know how to fully navigate the new powers. And it was so _frustrating._

Ezra was walking down the street and _everyone_ had stopped and said they loved her. Some had bowed, some dropped to their knees. How was supposed to reply? She dialed China's number.

"Hello?" China answered.

"Can you turn it off?!" Ezra asked loudly.

"Turn what off?" China asked.

"The charm?" Ezra said in a hushed tone.

"No. I'm afraid you can't... Did someone just say 'I love you' to you?"

"Yes, China! And they keep saying it and I'm going crazy!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Are you saying anything to them?" China asked quietly.

"What? No. Just walking by."

"That's new... I'll phone you back later." and before Ezra could argue, China hung up.

Skulduggery hated clichés, but it sounded like voices were screaming in his head now. Information he had no need for, names, places, people, powers, swirling rapidly in his mind. He clutcjed his head and groaned, not trusting himself to speak.

Fletcher's house had been destroyed. By him. He didn't even know how it happened, but it was burnt or flooded or blown to pieces, those goddam vines everywhere. And Dexter felt like he was burning, he had a fever. He laid in the remains of his bed, sweating and breathing shallow breaths.

Valkarie was unconditionally pissed off. She was mad at everyone. At everything. Anton could control it, and that was just great, and that pissed her off evem more.

She had stayed inside. Turned her phone off, her chest now aching, something so clearly and obviously beneath it. She had punched a lot of holes in a lot of walls and could not even say why.

Dexter had asked to be magically binded because he kept appearing in places. It was fun when he could control it, but he couldn't anymore. It happened when he ate, slept, bathed. He had been transported to a jungle when was meant to be in the shower. So he sat in the sanctuary, in a binding cell, with binding shackles, and hoped for the best.

The colours weren't fun anymore. They were too bright, too vivid, to big. It was difficult to see anything else, just colours screaming at Ghastly. Everytime he touched something he felt an electric shock. Small at first but as the days pressed on he felt it more and more. It hurt now. This was getting ti be fsr too much.

Saracen very much wanted his magic back now, a mild current coursing through his body. He was bloody restless. He hadn't slept and the only way the current eased was when he moved but he was _tired._ He wanted to sleep, to be still.

Both China and Anton were not enjoying themselves. Things kept catching fire, or were dry then suddenly drenched, or literally blew away, or, more concerningly, turning to stone. It made it impossible to get anything done. And it had went from annoying to infuriating real quick.

Everyone just wanted their own magic back. But they didn't know how to do that.


	4. The Unnecessary War

**Mild Violence and Language. I'm also awful at finding my own mistakes, I haven't written in ages, so hopefully it will get better. Also, I had intended to involve my OC (Ezra) in all of these but let me know if you'd rather I didn't. Also, if there's any prompts or scenes or anything you want done just let me know and I'll get on that! This one is a sad one, but I'll make thw next one happy! Enjoy!**

Ghastly sat with Skulduggery's broken corpse on his lap, weeping. He didn't care who heard him. They had tortured Skulduggery in every way they could think of. Then killed him. Then tied his body up to be a warning to the others. So the Dead Men took it upon themselves to take Skulduggery's body down and give him a proper funeral.

On paper, that was a lot easier. Ghastly didn't know all that they had done to his brother. He didn't know that he would struggle so much to face it. To face him.

Skulduggery's eyes were closed. His legs and arms were broken. He was missing finger nails and toe nails. Bruises, burns and lacerations covered him, head to toe. He had been naked, but Ghastly covered him with his jacket. He looked up when he heard an inhumane cry.

Ezra.

She was standing next to Erskine and Anton, obvious signs of a hard fight clear on all of them. Anton's face twisted into one of anger, but he said nothing. Erskine looked repulsed at the swollen body on Ghastly's lap. Ezra's hands were at her face as she took cautious steps towards the two men. She crumpled beside his body, across from Ghastly. She was weeping, her hands trembling as she touched her brother's face. Her older brother, who always protected her and made her laugh and dried her tears was just... Gone. Anton and Erskine kneeled beside her. Erskine cried. Anton vibrated with rage.

"How could someone- I just don't understand- it just doesn't make- why?" Ezra squeaked inbetween sobs. Her whole body shook, her cries becoming louder, more shocked, more desperate.

Dexter and Saracen abruptly burst through the door and just as abuptly stopped when they saw.

"Shit." Dexter breathed, taking a tentative step forward. He sat down, his eyes wide and glassy. Saracen put his hand on Ezra's shoulder as he passed. He too sat down.

"What was the point?" Anton asked quietly. Ezra lost any composure she had left and threw herself onto Skulduggery's chest, an awful mixture of sobs and screams escaping her mouth.

They stayed there for a long time. As long as they could. But then shouts and bangs drew them back to reality. Ghastly, Dexter and Saracen gently carried Skulduggery out, Ezra, Erskine and Anton covering them.

It was only the six of them at the funeral. They wore their black uniform. Their battle gear. Few words were spoken. Skulduggery was the talker. When he left, so did their words it seemed. Ezra hadn't stopped crying. She feared she never would. They dug his grave and buried him themseleves. Right next to his child and wife.

A year later and their sadness turned to ugly, bitter rage as the full impact of a world without Skulduggery Pleasant fully sank in. They became ruthless. They became dangerous and reckless, not caring anymore. If they could lose one they could lose another, so they threw themselves into stupidly suicidal missions. They became feared and reveared. They cut themselves off from other sections, other battlions. They took orders, ate, slept, fought and repeated. Day in, day out. It didn't stop, not really. Not until after the war. The only thing, they agreed, that would come close to closure was doing to Malevolent what his men did to Skulduggery.

Years passed. A decade. Two decades. And then Malevolent was dead. The war was over. They had won.

That's when the cold isolation and emptiness wrapped itself around them. They had been in their own angry little world, living and breathing as one with one sole goal. No one ever questioned what happened after. But now it _was_ after and they didn't feel better. Now they just felt an unspeakable anger and nowhere to direct it. They all drifted apart. They thought they were bad for each other, fueling each other's fury, each other's obsession, each other's mania.

Years passed. A decade. Two decades. A century passed without a word to each other. Six letters were sent out. The six brothers met at Skulduggery's grave. Only there wasn't a third grave there anymore. There sat two headstones with fresh flowers at each and a tall thin man in a nice suit. He turned around, a walking, talking, living skeleton. The Dead Men were ready for a fight, fireballs and energy at the ready. But instead the Skeleton said, in a velvety voice; "I've missed you."


	5. 1618

**Gonna try and do, like, a timeline. Dead Men through the centuries type thing. It isn't following the books, or even my own kinda interpretation of events in the other stories I did, just stand alones really! Hope you enjoy!**

The bitter winter wind tore through Skulduggery Pleasant. He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck in a futile attempt to keep the cold out. He walked through the bustling cobbled streets with his head down. This was, after all, a mortal town. He had yet to go to a Sorcerer town. The whole idea and concept left him baffled, but an awful lot of things left him baffled these days. He had been thrust into this world of magic and monsters eight months ago with his little sister. The only surviving members of their family.

Skulduggery felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. He took a shaky breath, fight or flight kicking in. He turned down a small little ally, out of view from prying eyes, just as something knocked into him. He sparked a somewhat weak flame and turned. And cursed. Ghastly Bespoke was grinning that stupid grin. He wore a woolen hat to hide the scars on his bald head.

"I could have killed you." Skulduggery pointed out. Ghastly laughed and starting walking, Skulduggery falling in step beside him.

"You _are_ getting better, but you're not quite there yet friend." Ghastly said, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. The two young men walked, laughing and joking and pushing and shoving. All the Sorcerers in Ireland had been told to go to the Sanctuary for a meeting. That was a great deal of Sorcerers indeed. When they arrived, it was packed. Adepts, Elementals, even Necromancers were there. Skulduggery saw a flash of long dark hair and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Ezra Bloom, his little sister. She looked a lot like him, just smaller. Same shade of dark brown hair, same shade of blue eyes. Skulduggery had sharper cheekbones, and was a good foot and a half taller, and Ezra had a sharper jaw and an all together better attitude but those were the main, and few, differences between the siblings. She was standing next to man with light brown hair and a cheery, friendly smile. Skulduggery and Ghastly approached. Ghastly seemed to know the man. Skulduggery did not. Ezra smiled as she saw them.

"Saracen Rue. Didn't know you were still around." Ghastly said smiling, shaking the man's hand.

"You can't get rid of me that quickly." He said, smiling. After twenty more minutes of general chit chat, the three Grand Mages walked in and sat down at the front of the vast room. Eachen Meritorious, Morwenna Crow and Sagacious Tome looked very stressed, tired and agitated.

"Thank you all for coming." Eachen said, somewhat sheepishly. "The reason I have asked you here today is because," Eachen took a long breath, "We are at... War." The man seemed to deflate when he said the word. Murmurings and mutterings rang out through the hall, and it seemed sacrilegious, despite it being a political place, not a holy place.

"Please, please! There is no need for this. There has been unrest in our community for years now. This should not come as a great surprise. We are prepared." Morwenna said. It was a slight lie.

"We need volunteers. That is why we have gathered today. Anyone who can fight, we ask you to. It is a big ask, I know. But a world where mortals are our slaves and Sorcerers like us are the enemy is not a world anyone here wants. We must win this war as I dread to think what the world will be if Mevolent wins!" Sagacious said. That was not a lie.

Hands raised. Skulduggery watched as every hand in the room slowly raised. Ghastly's went up. So did his mother's. Saracen's hand went up also. Ezra looked at Skulduggery's her eyes wide. She gave a half smile and shrugged. Skulduggery nodded. They both raised their hands. A mixture of relief and pride crossed Eachen's face as he took in the number of hands in the air. He gave a weak smile.

Battles were fought and battles were lost over the next six decades. Skulduggery and Ezra learned the hard way very, very fast. People came and went, some they liked, some they didn't, some the siblings had divided opinions on. Skulduggery had gotten married and had a child somewhere along the way, and they had made very strong friendships with like minded people. They were gathered in the Irish Sanctuary once again. The past sixty years had not been kind to the Grand Mages, they all looked wary and tired.

"I am going to ask a lot of some of you today." Eachen said, pleasantries long forgotten. "I need a group of men to go on a dangerous mission, but I'm afraid it's vital." He said. No one said anything. No one moved. He took a deep breath.

"I need a group of you to break into the enemy camp. There are whispers of The Faceless ones being summoned and we must know for sure. We must know exactly what we are up against." Eachen said. Before anyone could comprehend it, Skulduggery's hand shot up. Ghastly's shot up a millisecond later. Ezra looked at the two men, bewildered. But she truster her older brother. She raised her hand. Erskine Ravel, Anton Shudder, Dexter Vex and Saracen Rue eventually raised their hands too. No one else did. Eachen nodded but said nothing. Someone scoffed.

"Dead Men."

They all liked it. Had a certain ring to it.


	6. 1718

**Mild violence, torture, swearing and drowning.**

The war was coming to a very violent, very bloody end. The past century had not been a kind one to anyone on either side. Scandal, betrayal, tortore and death. So many deaths. At this point it didn't seem worth it. Skulduggery Pleasant was dead. Gone. Ezra was laying under the stars, a blanket wrapped around her. She couldn't sleep, so she was just staring up. She wished she was a star. Bright, burning, isolated. Dead. She squeezed her eyes shut, banishing such thoughts. When she opened her eyes again they were full of tears. She cried as quietly as she could. It'd been fifty years since they found his mutilated corpse. She still wasn't over it. She felt so terribly alone. Ezra slipped out of the blanket and laced her boots up, then tip toed out of camp. She didn't know where she was going, just that she had to go somewhere. It was dangerous to wander around at night, in the dark. She knew this but didn't care. She hadn't cared about a lot the past five decades. It had just been mission after mission, battle after battle, fight after fight. And Ezra was _tired._ She longed for her small little house. Her parents. Her three younger brothers. Skulduggery.

Ezra was so lost in thought she didn't even sense the enemy. She was walking, and then arms were around her, a hand covering her mouth. She clicked her fingers but before she could summon a flame, a knife sliced at her hand, cutting it deep. She was screaming but the hand muffled her and she wasn't even sure how far away from the camp she was. The arm around her dragged her along, struggling all the way. She lurched and the hand slipped and she bit it, and the next thing she knew something really hard hit her on the back of the head.

Ezra woke up confused. She felt metal on her wrists and ankles. Her hand was sticky with blood from the knife. It throbbed. She couldn't move. She was in total darkness. Ezra jerked, struggling and thrashing to get free. It didn't work. Her heart was beating so.fast and so hard and she was so _scared._ A light flickered in the distance. Ezra squinted. She heard people talking now, quite a few of them. She doubled her efforts, lurching. Then light flooded the... Cave? Stone was everywhere. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. There was a pond though. A perfect circle filled with perfect, crystal blue water. She was chained to a stone wall, the chains were _in_ the wall somehow. A group of Sorcerers stood before. Serpine was at the front.

"Hello, Ezra." He said. She said nothing. A fist slammed into her chest and the air left her. She was wheezing.

"I have heard so much about you and your comrads. You're all quite the trouble makers, aren't you? You all have made my life very difficult. I don't like that." Serpine continued. Ezra glared at him but still said nothing.

"Where are you planning on striking next?" Serpine asked. Still Ezra said nothing. Serpine sighed as he took his glove off. Ezra was breathing heavily now, shaking. She knew what was coming but she had only ever heard about the red hand. Never experienced it.

"Fine, have it your way." Serpine said, the he pointed at Ezra and his hand glowed red and Ezra was screaming, really screaming because pain just erupted everywhere. And it didn't stop. It was constant, unrelenting. Serpine stopped after a while. Ezra sagged, the only reason she still stood was because of the chains. A soldier grabbed a fistful of her hair and forced her head up.

"Anything you would like to say?" He asked. Ezra spat at him. It was an awful idea, and she wasn't entirely sure why she did it, but it just felt right. Serpine turned to his men.

"You have a shot." He said. There were four men with him and they all beat her bloody.

Ezra was there for six weeks. She hadn't said a word for the whole time. Serpine was growing angrier as each day passed and he had had enough.

"Tell me you BITCH!" He roared. Ezra took a small pleasure that she enraged him so much.

"She's useless to me. Kill her."

For the first time in six weeks Ezra was unchained. She struggled in vain with the little strength she had left.

She could see her family again. See Skulduggery. She hadn't betrayed the Dead Men.

They chained her hands together, then her feet. They chained massive stones to her. She was dragged to that perfect, serene little pond and they threw her in it. It was much deeper than she thought She barely struggled. She was too tired and weak and sore. She was bloody and broken and bruised. Her lungs were starting to burn. She was going to die. She heard yelling but wasn't sure if it was real or not.

The Dead Men found her. Finally. They had split up, Dexter and Ghastly going to find Ezra, Anton, Erskine and Saracen to make sure they had a clear way out. Dexter and Ghastly had stormed in just as they threw Ezra into the pond. Both men leapt into action, taking out three men. Two fire balls and an energy stream. Serprine grabbed fifth and they teleported away.

A bright, gold light was coming from the pond. It looked as if someone had plucked the sun from the sky and flicked it into that perfect little pond. Bubbles were rapidly surfacing then popping. Steam rose from the pond. Dexter kicked his boots off and threw his jacket on the ground.

"Dexter- you'll die." Ghastly said, his voice eteched with worry and concern. Dexter was at the edge now. He shrugged.

"I hate a world without Skulduggery. I don't want to be in a world without Ezra." Dexter said. Then he jumped.

The water didn't burn him. It was warm and nice and pleasant and he swam down to the bottom feeling content. Ezra was the source of the light, her whole body glowing. She didn't look real. It was so quiet down there. No wars. No fights. Dexter wanted to wrap a chain around himself and Ezra so he could stay there forever. But he didn't. He couldn't leave the war unfinished. He grabbed Ezra and with all his strength swam her to the top.

Dexter Vex emerged, gasping. Ghastly and Anton helped him up, helped him bring up Ezra. Saracen and Erskine were walking in.

"Oh gods, is she dead?" Saracen asked. Ghastly was untying her quickly, while Dexter pounded her chest, pressing his mouth against her's as he plugged her nose, trying to breathe air into the small sorcerers lungs. No one answered Saracen's question.

Ezra coughed. Sputtered. Moaned. Her eyes flickered open. She sat up, quickly. Then winced. Her hair wasn't brown anymore. It was golden. She blinked a few times her eyes seeming a brighter blue. Even her skin seemed to radiate something. She looked in turn at the Dead Men.

"How did you find me?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

"Doesn't matter. I'm just sorry it took so long." Dexter said. He gently picked her up, and she rested against him. She was sleeping as The Dead Men left the cave, under a star filled sky.


	7. 1818

Ezra Bloom walked with her head low. She clutched the letter in her hand. It was a short letter. It simply said;

 _Ezra,_

 _Meet at his grave on the day the last leaves have fallen._

It didn't say who it was from. But she knew who's grave it was they were referring to. Ezra had spent the past hundred years escaping that grave, escaping the war. Yet neither had left her mind. She hadn't spoken to a single Dead Man since. Shortly after she was drowned, the war was over. The Dead Men had split, the horrors and terrors too much to deal with. She didn't know where any of them were. She didn't know if she wanted to. She had taken a horse-drawn carriage as far as the forest, then walked the rest of the way. She saw the clearing up ahead. The forest was quiet, like it was holding it's breath. The sharp, ruthless wind tugged at her clothes. She gripped the letter tighter as she grew nearer. A man was standing there. His back was to her but she recognized him.

"Hello, Dexter." She said. His name sounded foreign on her tongue.

He turned and faced her.

"Ezra." He breathed, closing the gap to embrace her. She stood still for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him. She had missed him. She had missed all of them. Dexter stepped back.

"Are you alright? Why did you send the letter? Why here?" He asked quickly, the words spilling out over each other. Ezra frowned.

"I didn't send it. I thought you did..." She trailed off as she heard rustling. She summoned a ball of burning light, the letter still clutched in her other hand, Dexter summoning a ball of energy.

"Easy. easy." Said a familiar voice.

"It's just us." Said another. Ezra nor Dexter stood down. Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel emerged through the trees, into the clearing. It was then that Ezra and Dexter let their magic dissipate. After small pleasantries, Ghastly spoke.

"Which one of you two sent the letter?" He asked. Ezra shook her head softly as Dexter spoke.

"Neither of us. We thought one of you must have." Ghastly and Erskine shook their heads.

"Which means," Erskine said slowly, "This is possibly a trap." He finished, looking around. The comrades stood visibly on guard then, old habits kicking in, each facing a different direction, the grave in between them. Anton Shudder and Saracen Rue arrived, causing concern until the Dead Men were sure it was them. They waited there for hours. It was beginning to seem like a hoax. But who would waste their time? Curiosity peaked. So they stayed, despite Anton and Erakine's protests. They compared the letters, they were the exact same bar the name it was addressed to.

The sun had long set when they heard a noise. Ezra's heart pounded. A tall thin man emerged from behind Skulduggery's grave. He was hidden, wearing a jacket, trousers, boots, gloves. A wide brimmed hat hung low, concealing his eyes and nose. A scarf was wrapped around his mouth, jaw and neck. There was no skin visible. None.

"Who are you?" Dexter askes tentatively. The man said nothing.

"Was it you who sent the letters?" Anton asked. Again he said nothing.

"Why... Here?" Ezra asked slowly, sadly. The man took a step. Then another. His shoulders sagged. Then in one swift movement he removed the hat and scarf.

To reveal a perfectly white skull. There were gasps and steps backwards. Magic was summoned but the skeleton raised his hands in surrender to reassure them.

"It's... It's me." said the skeleton. Ezra tilted her head. The voice sounded so familiar...

"Speak again." She demanded. The skeleton shrugged then said

"I wasn't sure how to approach you. Any of you. I was so scared. But I hated not seeing you, not seeing any of you so I-"

"Skulduggery?" Saracen interrupted, incredulously. The Skeleton nodded.

"I don't, I don't understand." Dexter said lowly.

"I don't much understand it myself to be honest. I was dead, and then when I woke up I had rotted. I was in that grave," Skulduggery pointed, "And I don't know how or why but I got out-" Ezra pushed the skeleton as hard as she could.

"You're a liar!" she yelled, nearly crying. "Skulduggery Pleasant is dead!" She pushed him again. "Who are you?! Who sent you!" She was crying now, slamming her open hands into the skeleton. The Dead Men said nothing. This was a family matter and it was not for them to judge. The Skeleton gently grabbed Ezra's wrists. She was sobbing.

"Ezra... Ezra its me. I promise. Your given name is Ethel Gallows. Mine is Nathaniel Gallows. We had three younger brothers, Archie, Will and Peter. Our parents owned a pub. We lived above that pub. Your birthday is the 12th of August, 1597." He said in a calming voice. Ezra was still crying, but everything he said was true. He gently pulled her closer and she let him. Her arms were around him and and he was all bones. He wasn't warm.

"I don't understand- it doesn't make any sense." She said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

"I don't understand either. I also don't understand your hair." He said, picking up a strand. Ezra smiled. Her face was still wet from tears but she actually smiled. Her big brother was back. She didn't know, and she didn't know why, but he was. And that was all that mattered to her.


	8. 1918

**Short wee chapter this one, I had the worst writer's block for this one! Have plans for the next one though! Hope you enjoy!**

The Dead Men decided, rather unwisely, to join the mortal war. Ezra couldn't, because for whatever reason the mortals did not believe women were strong enough to endure such things. Instead she became a front line nurse. She secretly preferred it to fighting. Helping people was much more her thing as opposed to shooting people. Skulduggery couldn't show his face, so he instead stayed in Britain to focus on the politics during the war. This war was coming to an end, and everyone knew it. Everyone was grateful. It had destroyed the economy and morale of many countries, and destroyed and changed the lives of millions.

Ezra was cleaning up the make shift hospital as quickly and efficiently as possible, sterilising all the instruments and tools, wiping down surfaces. She did it quietly so as not to disturb any of the resting patients. The other nurses had gone back to the big house to sleep for the night due to exhaustion. It had been a very bad, very bloody day. Ezra couldn't sleep so she decided to get a head start for tomorrow. She had just handed a cup of water to a man with a broken leg as Anton, Dexter, Erskine and Ghastly burst in carrying a barely conscious Saracen.

Ezra gasped but then jumped into action. There weren't any beds so she quickly threw a tarp on the dirty ground. She took her apron off and balled it up as a makeshift pillow.

"Lay him here. What happened?" she asked, collecting supplies from around the room.

"It was a bomb. He was... He was so close Ezra." Ghastly said as the four men laid him down.

"Oh god." Ezra breathed as she tore his bloodied shirt off. He was badly burned, metal shrapnal piercing his flesh. She carefully picked the shrapnal out with tweezers.

"Ezra, will he..." Anton trailed off. Ezra barely heard him. She needed Grouse. But he wasn't here. She cleaned the wounds with alcohol, eliciting groans and hisses from Saracen. He was reacting. He was conscious. That was something. Then Ezra saw the dislocated arm.

"Oh no." She said quietly. She undid his belt and slid it out of the loops, then she doubled it and put it in Saracen's mouth.

"Bite." She said simply. Then she unceremoniously popped his shoulder back into place. Saracen Rue screamed.

When the war ended, The Dead Men split. Skulduggery, Erskine and Ravel stayed in Ireland. Saracen, Dexter and Ezra traveled to America to take part in the lavish lifestyle for a while. Anton discovered the Midnight Hotel. Skulduggery decided to use his skills officially. He might as well be financially stable, he figured. Ghastly opened his parent's shop up, continuing on the Tailors business. Erskine decided to join Skulduggery in the Sanctuary too. They were never partners. He annoyed Skulduggery far too much for that. They began to travel after the stock markets failed.

America was just fantastic. The roaring twenties. Dexter, Ezra and Saracen got jobs, very well paying jobs. Saracen went into the newfound bank business boom. Ezra became a flapper, trading her dirty black leathers for beads and feathers. Dexter was a telephone operator. They shared a very lush pent house in New York. They threw _a lot_ of parties. It wasn't what they were used to, but for a while, they thoroughly enjoyed it, the memories of war and blood and death and violence fading with every party, every bottle emptied, every day of their newfound lifestyle that passed.

Anton Shudder worked his way up to management. He enjoyed the hotel and all its mysteries. He enjoyed travelling, a new place every day. The interesting guests with interesting stories, languages, powers. Even the silent guests were endearing to him. He met a lot of people. He never deemed himself as a people person but he didn't need to form friendships because in a day they would be gone.

The Dead Men were, for a century, _happy._

Then Gordon Edgley died.

Then Skulduggery Pleasant met Stephanie Edgley.


	9. 2008

**This doesn't follow my own fics, but oh well it was fun to write! Hope you guys enjoy! Blood and violence in this.**

"Where _are_ we going?" Valkyrie asked. They were in the Bentley, and had been driving for far too long. In Valkyrie's opinion. Skulduggery sighed.

"We're backup." He said, his sockets on the road. He was driving very fast. Valkyrie looked at him.

" _We're_ backup?" She asked incredulously. Skulduggery nodded.

"I don't know why you're so surprised. We call backup all the time. Would be rude if we didn't provide backup once in while."

"Who are we backing up?"

"You'll see."

"No no, oh no. Who? Tell me!" She insisted. Skulduggery sighed again. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"My sister. And some old friends" He finally.

Ezra Bloom, Dexter Vex and Saracen Rue had vastly underestimated this whole situation. They knew this, for sure, because they were currently running for their lives. Their feet pounded through the corridors but they knew the vampires were behind them and picking up speed. They also knew this because they each sported very ugly, very _painful_ injuries. Ezra sharply veered right, the two men following. She ran into a dark room, and when Dexter and Saracen were in the room too, she slammed the door. She lit the room up with her magic, and jammed a chair under the door handle. Saracen and Dexter moved a bookcase in front of the chair. The three were breathing heavily. Saracen's ankle was probably broken, Dexter's head had a very concerning gash on it and Ezra had been thrown through a window and was covered in tiny cuts. Her stomach was wet and sticky with blood, but she didn't look because she knew that if she looked it would be real, and real meant pain, so she didn't look. Various bruises and cuts littered the three sorcerers. Things were broken or dislocated of fractured. But they couldn't stop to dwell on it. Not now.

"Remind me why we did this again?" Dexter panted.

"They're coming." Saracen said, "Twenty seconds and they will realize we are here. Thirty more seconds til they break through. When will Skulduggery be here?!" He asked, his breath hitching as he tried to get it back.

"We decided to take initiative and be good guys." Ezra breathed.

"Let's not do that again." Dexter said, as pounding and hissing and scratching was heard from the other side of the door. There weren't any windows, and even if there was they were thirty stories up. Ezra couldn't support the three of them. So they backed up, Ezra unfolding her Arnis and setting it alight, Dexter summoning magic. Saracen loaded a gun. The bookcase flew as the door aggressively swung open. Everyone fired but there was seven vampires and they were gaining. They were going to lose. But then one caught fire as another gun went off.

"Thank god." Ezra breathed. She twirled her Arnis, hitting and burning a vampire at the same time. Skulduggery burst through the door, followed by a young girl with dark hair. The young girl threw another fire ball, hitting a vampire in the back. Dexter sent an energy stream at another, throwing it off its feet. One grabbed for the girl, but Ezra hit it repeatedly until it fell but didn't get back up again. The girl stared at her for a moment, but then Ezra yelled "GET DOWN!" As three more vampires swarmed the door. Skulduggery blew a strong gust of wind that threw the vampires to the back of the room.

"Get out!" He roared and the other four sorcerers ran. Skulduggery joined them, another gust of wind slamming the door shut.

"What did you _do_?" He asked Ezra, appalled.

"I thought it'd be easy!" She said, annoyed.

"There were ten vampires in there, Ezra. Ten."

"There was only supposed to be three!"

"And you thought you could take three vampires? At night?"

"I thought _three_ of _us_ could take on three vampires! I may have underestimated it, okay?!"

" _May_ have? You may have?" They were running downstairs now, hastily running as fast as they could.

"I'm alive! Barely hurt!"

"Because me and Valkyrie ran every red light getting here! If I get a ticket, you're paying! And there is blood pouring from three parts of your body, Ezra!"

"Are you serious? It's been nearly a century since we seen each other, and you're telling me about tickets!"

"It's been nearly a century and the first time we see each other because you got yourself into something you shouldn't have!" The vampires were behind them, a few flights up. Saracen was grunting, his ankle causing him grief. Valkyrie was out of breath and very much so wanted to stop running. They burst through the fire exit doors, into the outside world and the Bentley was unlocked as they piled in. The vampires ran out of the building, but Skulduggery was already driving away. Everyone bar Skulduggery was breathing heavily. Ezra hissed in pain.

"What? What is it?" Skulduggery asked, his before bickering forgotten about, his voice etched with concern.

"You know when you stop being busy and then pain suddenly kicks in? That just happened." Ezra said. She was sat in the middle. Valkyrie opened the glove box and took out a bag of leaves, passing it back.

"Jesus," Dexter breathed. Valkyrie turned around in her seat and gasped. Ezra was drenched in sweat and pale, her before blue shirt damp from blood. She was furiously chewing a leaf. A large shard of glass was sticking out of her belly. "Don't you have Ghastly's clothes?" Valkyrie asked. Ezra smiled weakly.

"So you've met Ghastly? Great guy. I haven't seen him in nearly a hundr- OH MY GOD!" Ezra screeched. Saracen had pulled the glass out. Ezra leaned her head back and gritted her teeth, Dexter's hand clutched tightly in her's.

"Is she okay?" Skulduggery asked, driving far too fast to be legal.

"I need something to stop the bleeding." Saracen said.

"I have clothes in the boot." Valkyrie said and Skulduggery sharply pulled over. Valkyrie quickly got out, and ran to the boot, grabbing the back pack and taking out a fleecy jumper and a t-shirt just in case. She got back, Skulduggery holding a flame to illuminate the car. Valkyrie passed the clothing items back and Dexter gingerly laid Ezra down on his lap. There was huge, ugly gash on her belly, blood pumping out of it. Saracen lifted her top and pressed the jumper onto it and Ezra howled.

"Drive, Skulduggery." Dexter said urgently. Skulduggery put out the fire and drove with a vengeance. He had to go to Grouse.

Kenspeckle Grouse thought for sure it would be Valkyrie Cain when he heard the all too familiar sound of the Bentley pull up at four in the morning. He was very surprised when Skulduggery and Valkyrie, unharmed, ran in, with Saracen following them, and Dexter holding a nearly unconscious Ezra in his arms.

"It's been years." He said, dumbfounded. Dexter and Saracen smiled sheepishly, but then Grouse moved into a back room.

"Lay her down here." He said. Dexter gently laid Ezra on the operating table, and Ezra moaned, her hand searching for Dexter, He grabbed it and held it.

"Get out, get out all of. I will tend to you two trouble makers after. Valkyrie, a pleasure as always. Skulduggery- well, Skulduggery." He said. The four left Grouse to work on Ezra. They sat outside the room, behind the movie screen.

"I don't believe we've met." Saracen said, holding a hand out. Valkyrie shook it.

"Hello. I'm Valkyrie Cain." She said, the name still made her feel cool.

"You're the one causing all the trouble." Dexter Vex said with a grin. Valkyrie really, _really_ liked Dexter Vex.

"Causing trouble seems to be what she does best." Skulduggery said.


	10. Accelerator and Sunburst

**Lil action scene set during The Dying of The Light, when all the fighting was commencing. Violence and probably swearing. Enjoy!**

Ezra was running through the Sanctuary. Which wasn't all that surprising, as everyone was. She jumped down the steps, her heart racing. She knew that if hesitated she would miss the timing of it all which seemed to be very important. Or she would stop and, quite frankly, run away. She burst through the door and there the Engineer was.

"Ezra Bloom. Hello." Said the robot. Ezra ignored him, staring at the Accelerator. She took a deep breath and checked her watch. She had eight minutes. Ezra swung the door open and before the Robot could protest, she was in. She slammed the door shut. At first, nothing happened. She thought maybe the robot had switched it off, but then the outside started spinning. Lights flashed, sparks flew. Ezra was burning. She screamed, falling to her knees, clutching her head. This was such a bad idea. It felt like she was being ripped apart, and the heat was too much, she was burning up. And then the doors opened and she lurched herself out. Her hair and eyes were burning. Ezra ran.

Melancholia St Clair stood with Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant. Valkyrie had her invincibility bracelet on, and it would start in a minute. Then she had twenty minutes to try and take Darquesse down. About the same amount of time as Ezra had.

"What have you done?" Skulduggery gasped, staring at his little sister as she walked up. Her hair was glowing, hovering, even though there was no wind. Hey eyes burned like the sun. She had told Valkyrie what she was planning on doing. She had to tell someone and Ezra knew Valkyrie would understand... And that she wouldn't try to stop her.

"I did what had to be done." She said. Her voice sounded faraway, distant.

"You- you won't be the-" Skulduggery tried but didn't know what to say. In a way he understood. But she was his little sister, and she had put herself in far too much danger. As of yet, no good short term or long term effects had come out of the Accelerators. The cuff on Valkyrie's arm glowed.

"Showtime." She said uneasily. Ezra unsnapped her arnis, setting it alight. Skulduggery was unbuttoning his shirt, the tendrils of shadows already intertwining his rib cage. Melancholia's eyes turned black as shadows latched onto her. The four walked out, into the sun. Darquesse was savagely destroying the town. Dexter Vex by her side. His lips and eyes were black, black veins tracing his face. Ezra took a running jump onto a car, then into the air, where she grabbed hold of Darquesse and brought her down. The two women crashed into the ground, leaving a crater. Wherever Ezra touched, Darquesse' skin blistered and burned and bubbled. Darquesse laughed as Ezra wrapped thick wines around her, massive jagged thorns piercing her. Dexter Vex grabbed Ezra and threw her, and he ran after her, shadow in hand. Valkyrie didn't see them, but didn't have time to go after Ezra. Her and Lord Vile and Melancholia acted as one, Darquesse still on the ground. It seemed like a mass of thick black shadows to onlookers, with the occasional flash of lightning. But then everything exploded outwards.

Ezra's high was fading. She felt it. Her hair was back to normal, her blue eyes glassy. She was so tired, so weak. She was crouched down in a building. She didn't know which one, just that it was empty. Everyone had abandoned. Except her pursuer. He had sliced at her with shadows and Ezra was was badly hurt.

"Eeeeeezraaaaaa." Dexter sang. Ezra's heart pounded. She couldn't hurt Dexter. She knew it, the remnant knew it. He was playing with her. Ezra clutched her arnis as she heard his footsteps approaching. She couldn't fight even if she wanted to. The Accelerator had tapped into strength she didn't know she had, and now the effects were wearing off it seemed it was taking all of her strength with it. She didn't know if she could even stand. Dexter rounded the corner. Ezra tried to stand, but she fell forward. She tried again, this time using her arnis to hold her weight.

"I can hear him, you know. Your boyfriend. He's screaming, kicking, thrashing. Begging me not to harm a hair on your pretty little head." The remnant said. Ezra tried to summon vines, wrapping them around his ankles. But he looked down and laughed and took a step forward, the thin, weak vines snapping. Ezra pressed her back against the wall, still leaning on her arnis.

"Please don't hurt her. Please leave her alone, she doesn't deserve this. Please, please, please. Blah blah blah." Dexter grinned a black grin and sent a quick, sharp shadow. It pierced her shoulder, pinning her to the wall. Ezra writhed, moaning. Her shoulder went cold, then numb. Dexter laughed. Ezra gritted her teeth and lurched forward, the shadow passing through her shoulder. She cried out, but half fell, half lurched onto Dexter. She swung behind him, grabbing her arnis in both hands horizontally and pressing it to Dexter's neck. She just needed him unconscious. Dexter laughed at her weak attempt and grabbed her arm. He swung her over him, slamming her to the ground. Shadows wrapped around her arms, pinning her down, cold and numb and strong. Ezra swung her leg and swept Dexter off his feet, straddling him. Her shoulder throbbed.

"You won't get me out. I'm not leaving. I like him too much. When I was human, what, you think I don't remember? I was scrawny and awkward and lanky. But now look at me. I like this Dexter Vex." The remnant said, grinning. Ezra was crying as she grabbed the dagger from her waistband. She pressed it to his neck, shaking.

"Please Ezra, do it. Please it will kill you if don't, please I don't want to hurt you more, please Ezra, please!" Dexter begged, his green eyes wide with fear. His lips were soft and pink again. It was Dexter. Ezra gasped, lifting the dagger a fraction.

"Dexter?" She asked. But then his green eyes rolled back into his head, and then he closed his eyes and when he opened them again they were black. The remnant smirked, then threw Ezra off him, grabbing a wrist in each his hands.

"That's the last time you'll ever speak to him." The remnant said, his face so close to her's. Ezra was feebly struggling, and Dexter let go of one of wrists for moment to punch her, his hand immediately finding her wrist again. Her head whipped round and the room spun. Dexter shifted so his knee was on her chest and he put all his weight on her, and she couldn't get any air in. She tried to break free, so shake him off, anything. But nothing worked. He sent a jagged shadow into her leg. Ezra screamed a choked scream, it was hoarse and sore, her lungs were burning now, and the remnant was laughing an awful, manic laugh. He was cutting her with tiny pointed shadows now. Dexter Vex was going to kill her.

But then Darquesse appeared.

"I need you." She said simply, then grabbed the collar on Dexter's shirt and unceremoniously shoved her hand down his throat. Dexter gagged and gargled, but then Darquesse was holding a squirming shadow, which she ate, and Dexter collapsed. Then Darquesse left, without so much as a glance at Ezra. Ezra crawled over to where Dexter lay, slipping her arnis into it's strap as she did so.

"Dexter?" Ezra said softly. She shook him gently. He wasn't breathing, a thin trail of blood falling from his mouth.

"Shit, no, no, no." She closed her eyes and clutched him, trying to focus. Then they weren't alone. China, Valkyrie, Saracen, Skulduggery and Tanith were all bustling. Everyone stopped when Ezra and Dexter appeared. They were in the sanctuary.

"Oh god, what happened?" Valkyrie asked, but Ezra didn't say anything, instead she forced herself up and started rummaging. She grunted and panted, her body close to giving out, the pain threatening to take over, but she refused. No one knew what to say.

"Is he... Is Dexter...?" Saracen couldn't say the words. Ezra ignored him.

"Where the fuck is it?!" Ezra asked, her voice cracking.

"Where's what?" China asked.

"The sunburst!"

Valkyrie's eyes widened a fraction but she pulled it out of jacket pocket and passed it to Ezra. Skulduggery tilted his head, but Ezra didn't even notice. Ezra gave it Skulduggery, who put his magic into it. Then Saracen, then China, then Tanith, then Valkyrie. Ezra put the last bit she had left into it. Then she dropped next to Dexter and slammed in onto his chest. It pulsed once, twice, thrice. Then Dexter sat up, breathing heavily, eyes bewildered.


	11. Chapter 17

**Okay so brief explanation; this is the missing Chapter 17 on my own fic The 8th Dead Man. If you haven't read it, that's fine this should still make sense, and if you have I've tweaked some of it, so it won't fit in perfectly with the prior chapter (last couple lines really) but yeah, this is Erskine's betrayal. Language, blood, death, violence, the usual. Hope you enjoy! Please R &R!**

The break in had went terribly. Ezra, Erskine, Ghastly and Anton had been separated immediately. Swarms of people were on them, more than they knew there would be and they were brought down and cuffed in a matter of a couple minutes. That was four days ago now. Erskine was nowhere to be seen and Ezra was worried, Ghastly was in the cell beside her, Anton in the cell across from her. No one had been particularly bothered with them, a bored looking teenager bringing them their meals. They weren't complaining, however nobody was telling them anything and it was so infuriating. Two cleavers came down the steps, walking in sync, their scythes on their back as usual. They came to Ezra's cell and unlocked it, and before Ezra could even think, one swung her around, grabbing her wrists and cuffing her.

"What're you doing?" Ghastly asked, standing in his cell, his fists clutching the bars. Anton got up too, staring, not sure what to do or say, despising the helpless feeling that washed over him. Ezra said nothing, she hardly reacted. The marched her out, into the corridors. Ezra tried to remember the lefts and rights they took but it seemed like they were just walking without purpose. It became adamantly clear that they were walking without purpose when they doubled back and went left instead right, or right instead of left. Thirty minutes later and they returned back the the cells. Ezra's stomach dropped.

"What have you done?" Ezra shrieked. She lurched forward, but the cleavers grabbed her and jerked her back. Erskine held a hand up.

"No. Leave her. Let her mourn." He said quietly. The cleavers obeyed. Ezra didn't even register, all she saw was Anton's head not attached to his body, and Ghastly struggling to breath, laying in a pool of his own blood. Ezra launched to Ghastly as soon her wrists were free. They had been dragged out of their cells. She cradled the man on her lap, crying. His eyes flickered open, and he smiled faintly when he saw her. Then his eyes closed and he gave a last ragged breath.

"No, no, no Ghastly, please, it's not that bad, we can fix this, we can." She promised. She was drenched in blood. She was drenched in Ghastly Bespoke's blood. She glanced up, saw Anton's head and a sob raked through her.

"Ezra... Ezra they're dead." Erskine said lightly. He gently put his hands on her, pulling her up. He turned her gently to face him.

"Ezra the world is ours now. We can make a new world. Right here. Right now-"

"You killed them-" The words left Ezra in a burst. He brushed the fallen hair out of her eyes.

"I did what I had to do to build our new world." He said simply.

"What you had to- new world?" Ezra wasn't computing. Erskine was a Dead Man. Had been for centuries. But now...

"Yes. Where we rule. Why should we need to hide away in the shadows and let mortals rule? It's absurd. We are the strongest. We deserve to rule."

Ezra tried to pull away, but his grip tightened on her arms, bruising her.

"He was your partner." She said.

"Now you are." He said, an edge in his voice that Ezra had never heard before.

"No... No, you're a traitor, you're not a Dead Man anym-" The back hand took Ezra by surprise. She stared at him, her confusion turning to rage.

"We. Are. Partners." He said coldly.

Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Dexter and Saracen had been ambushed, naturally. Without even meaning to, without even suspecting. They traveled back to Roarhaven together, needing to go to the Grand Mages, to seek help. They couldn't find Ezra, Anton, Erskine or Ghastly anywhere and they had searched. So they were going to ask for help. Begrudgingly. As soon as they stepped foot inside the Sanctuary they were overtaken by Cleavers. Valkyrie was thrown in the same cell as Ezra, the others in separate cells. Ezra was curled up as small as she could make herself. There were bruises on her cheek, and her upper arms but other than she seemed physically fine. Her eyes were red and puffy.

"What happened?" Valkyrie asked, sitting next her. She was quiet for a long time.

"It was... It was a trap. But it was set up by... by Erskine. Anton and are Ghastly are dead." She said quietly, barely above a whisper.

"How? Why?" Skulduggery asked. He was lost for words. Ezra shook her head.

"Erskine wants to rule the mortals. He thinks we'll stop him." She said. She sounded numb.

"Damn right we are going to try and stop the twisted son of a bitch!" Dexter said. He was angry.

Days past. Weeks. Maybe even months. The rage and anger turned to numbness and defeat. No one came and saw them except that stupid, bored teenager. Then everything changed. Erskine walked down the stairs, carrying a large white parcel, flanked by four cleavers. The rage returned the Dead Men stood tall. They would not show their vulnerability to a traitor. A cleaver unlocked Ezra and Valkyrie's cell and Erskine threw the parcel in. The cell was quickly locked again.

"Open it, Ezra." He demanded. Ezra stared at him but then crouched beside the parcel. It was wrapped in white, glossy paper, tied neatly with white lace ribbon. A little card hung from the white ribbon and in delicate writing said

 _For when Dexter finally works up the nerve._

 _Love, Ghastly Bespoke x_

"Oh." Ezra breathed, knowing full well what was in the parcel. She pulled at the ribbon and it came undone and then ever so carefully she unfolded the paper back to reveal a white lace fabric. Ezra grabbed the shoulders of the gown and stood, letting it beautifully fall to the full length. It was a wedding dress. It was white and lacy with diamonds encrusted tastefully, long sleeves and a low neckline. Accessories such as a veil, earrings, a necklace, a bracelet and even a diamond hair clasp were in the parcel, not Ghastly made but picked by him because, like always, he had a vision.

"It's beautiful." Valkyrie said, awestruck.

"We are getting married. We need to keep up appearances and I have already had you all hidden for too long. People are getting curious and asking questions." Erskine.

"You could always tell them the truth." Saracen said casually.

"Do you think you're funny, Rue? I have a lot going on right now and I don't need any snarky remarks from someone as pathetic as you." Erskine screeched, whirling around to face him.

"I don't want to marry you." Ezra interrupted, deadly serious.

"I don't care. If you don't I will kill everyone in this godforsaken dungeon and be done with it. The only reason why I haven't already is because I want you happy and comfortable because _I love you_."

"You what?" Dexter asked from his cell. A vein popped out in Erskine's forehead and neck.

"You _a_ _re not_ aloud to speak." He hissed.

"This is clearly too much for you to deal with." Skulduggery observed. Erskine glared at him.

"We will get married. Broadcast it world wide so the world will know we are happy and committed and still the Dead Men, despite the two traitors."

"Despite the what? Traitors? Are you fucking kidding me?" Ezra said, her heart beating faster than it should, her fists clenched around the elegant fabric.

"I had to say something as to why Anton and Ghastly are dead." Erskine said as if it made perfect sense.

"You killed them and then you blamed them? Pinned them as an enemy to the rest of the world?" Valkyrie fired.

"I did what I had to do." Erskine said, then left.


	12. The Wedding

**Decided to finish this cause I want to give Ezra a bit of a back bone tbh. Probably violence and bad language ahead!**

Valkyrie was curling Ezra's hair. She and Ezra and been brought to an ornate, large bedroom. It was a beautiful, lush room, with a four poster bed and thick carpet. The only thing off putting was the barred window and the heavy sound of the lock after Erskine gave his instructions and left. They were to make themselves look pretty, he had said. Ezra had showered first, and while Valkyrie washed, Ezra dried her hair. Their magic was still out of reach. When Valkyrie came out of the en suit, Ezra helped her into the forest green dress, that fell to her ankles like water and shimmered in the light. Also Ghastly made. Three bride maid's dresses had been made by him, one for China Sorrows, one for Tanith Low and one for Valkyrie Cain. Accessories were in those parcels as well, all gold accents. Only one of those dresses would be worn today. Valkyrie then helped Ezra into her wedding dress. Both girls had stayed silent, neither knowing what to say to make the other feel better. Valkyrie had never been very good at the whole emotions thing. Ezra just stared at her reflection in the mirror, her eyes glazed and unfocused.

"It's not a real wedding." Valkyrie said, the silence making her itch. Ezra's blue eyes came into focus as she looked at Valkyrie's reflection.

"Isn't it?" She asked softly.

"No. Because it's one sided. It only matters if both feel the same."

"Erskine doesn't see it like."

"Erskine is a traitorous little rat." Valkyrie pointed out. Something like a smile crossed Ezra's lips.

"I just wanted my wedding to be happy. And with Dexter, for starters." She said. Valkyrie didn't know what to say to that. She finished curling Ezra's hair then switched the curling wand off. Then she took two strands from the front of her head and twisted them back, pinning them with the clasp Ghastly had left. Valkyrie fastened the veil to the clasp, then asked Ezra to hold her hair up while she put the necklace on. Three diamonds with gold around them hung in the hollow of her throat on a thin gold chain. Ezra slipped the bracelet on her right wrist then concealed the bags under her eyes. She looked in the mirror and sighed.

"Thanks Val." She said softly. Valkyrie smiled sadly then hugged the smaller girl tightly. She pulled back and Ezra stood, gesturing to Valkyrie to sit down. Ezra brushed out Valkyrie's tangles and then braided her hair into sections, then tied them up into a complicated bun, pulling strands out to frame her face. She slid in the hair piece Ghastly had left, a green emerald on a small golden comb. Valkyrie nodded then grinned.

"We look hot." She stated. Ezra grinned back.

"That we do, Val, that we do."

Four cleavers led them down the corridors. People were bustling, hastily moving from place to place in last minute preparations. They were lead to a grand entrance way, the remaining Dead Men standing stiffly in impeccable Ghastly tailored suits, surrounded by cleavers. The men tried their best to smile as the two girls neared.

"You two clean up well." Saracen said tightly, the joke lost in the tension. Dexter smiled brightly, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"You look beautiful." He said to Ezra, reaching a hand out to touch her. A cleaver stepped forward and grabbed Dexter's hand, snapping it backwards. A crack rang out and Dexter hissed, rage painted clear as day on his face. Ezra's smile fell and she stared with wide eyes. She refused to cry. Erskine stalked up, looking flustered.

"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding." Valkyrie said coolly, staring at Erskine with a look of disgust. He scowled at her.

"Everyone ready?" He asked through gritted teeth. No one said anything. He sighed, clearly agitated.

"Come on then. Places." He walked away, cleavers nudging Saracen and Dexter to follow him. They were the best men, after all. Dexter cradled his broken wrist against his chest, and he gave Ezra one last lingering look before following. Saracen put a hand on his back as the walked away. A few minutes later and the doors opened, the music playing loudly. Valkyrie took a deep breath, quickly hugged Ezra again, and looked sadly at Skulduggery. Then she picked up the bouquet, bright sunflowers and white roses, and clutched them tightly as she walked into the vast hall, filled with guests. Skulduggery passed Ezra her flowers, similar to Valkyrie's only bigger, then slipped his arm through her's. She was shaking, and Skulduggery gently took hold of her hand.

"I don't want to do this." She whispered.

"I know." He whispered back.

"I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"That's normal on your wedding day."

"This isn't a normal wedding."

"I know that too. You don't have to do this." Skulduggery said. Ezra laughed bitterly.

"What? Turn him down in front of everyone? He's having this televised. I can't even imagine what he would do to you, or Val, or Saracen or... Or Dexter." She said. Her voice almost caught. She would _not_ cry. All too soon, Valkyrie was at the front, and before Ezra could think, Skulduggery had stepped forward. Ezra breathed then stepped forward too, and then they were walking. Everyone stood. There must have been five hundred people there, some Ezra knew, some she didn't.

"Smile." Skulduggery whispered. Ezra did something with her face that she hoped was a smile. She was sure she would have fallen were it not for Skulduggery. If she was wearing heels it would have been game over, but Ghastly knew her, so she was wearing little ballet pumps.

"This is so close to be perfect." She whispered sadly, taking in the meticulously decorated hall, with bright flower arrangements and glittering lights. Then they were at the alter, and Skulduggery stood behind Dexter, and Valkyrie was behind Ezra and Erskine was in front of her. In front of Ezra, smiling like a fool. The ceremony began, and Ezra said her vows as convincingly as she could. She held the flowers so tightly she broke a couple of the stems and was sure her knuckles were going to break out of her taut skin. She turned and gave them to Valkyrie, and Valkyrie gave her a gold wedding band. It didn't seem like a fair trade to Ezra.

"Do you, Erskine Ravel, take Ezra Bloom to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest asked, none the wiser.

"I do." Erskine beamed, grinning and clutching Ezra's sweaty hands.

"And do you, Ezra Bloom, take Erskine Ravel to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Ezra hesitated. Her breath hitched, and Erskine squeezed her hands so tightly she was sure he was going to break her fingers. She looked at Dexter, still casually cradling his broken hand. He caught her eye and smiled tightly, nodding ever so slightly. Ezra looked back as Erskine who was looking at her with a darkness in his eyes that she didn't know he was capable of. Ezra forced the sickness down, forced herself to smile, forced herself to say it.

"I do." She said quietly.

Erskine slipped a ring on her finger, and she put the ring on his.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." The priest said with finality.

Erskine smashed his mouth onto her's. Ezra pulled away and giggled shyly while the room erupted into clapping.

"I just want you to know," Ezra said lowly, a dazzling smile plastered on her face. The priest had stepped away to set his bible down, the only people who could hear was what was left of the Dead Men. "That I have never hated a man as much as I hate you. When you touch me, I want kill you. When you kiss me, I want to die. But just know, I _will_ kill you for what you have done to Ghastly and Anton. For what you have done to us. I despise you with every fiber of my being." She leaned in so it looked like she was kissing his cheek, and whispered in his ear;

"I will make you suffer."


	13. Before The Warlocks Came

**Just want to finish this wee section off, will be something different next chapter! Deffos violence and bad language in this. Are we wanting Valduggery in later shots? Lemme know. Okay this took my three hours to write but I'm really low-key proud of it. This is a long one but, hopefully, an interesting one. As always, hope you enjoy! Please R &R!**

After the ceremony and then the reception, which was as awkward as anyone could imagine, the five prisoners were escorted back to their cells. They weren't given a change of clothes, so they sat on the dirty floor in their best dress. Ezra and Valkyrie had taken their shoes off and gently placed the accessories within them to try and protect them from the dirt and dust within the cells. Ezra had thrown the gold wedding band as far across the room as she could.

"We have to get out of here." Dexter said, staring at his injured hand.

"I can't believe he managed to convince people their magic was bound because of 'security reasons'." Valkyrie said bitterly, tracing patters on her knee through the dress.

"It'd be easy enough to set a swarm of cleavers on fire. But to physically fight ourselves out is a trickier situation." Skulduggery pointed out.

"I hate him. I never thought I would say it, but I _hate_ Erskine Ravel." Saracen said.

There weren't any windows or clocks in the cell so it was hard to keep track of time. Skulduggery was the only one awake when Erskine marched down the steps, followed by four cleavers.

"Up!" Erskine yelled, and the other four sorcerers woke with a start, jolting to an upright position.

"This is your doing you little bitch. Did you really think I was going to let that go? You'll make _me_ fucking suffer, will you? I don't think so. Open his cell. Cuff him." Erskine hissed. Ezra stood up, lunging to the bars, gripping them.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She shouted as the cleavers unlocked Dexter's cell and grabbed him, cuffing his hands behind his back, ignoring his wince as they grabbed his injured hand. The cleavers left his cell and Erskine walked in. Erskine took a swing but Dexter lazily dodged it, stepping back. Erskine took another swing, and again, Dexter dodged it easily.

"Fighting never really was your strong suit, was it Ravel? That why you got a cleaver to finish Anton off? That why you stabbed Ghastly in the back? Huh?" Dexter said, bouncing on the balls of feet, the street fighter in him coming out.

"Dexter, no!" Ezra begged, her gut twisting in her belly, she knew there was no way this would end well for him. Valkyrie laid a hand on Ezra's shoulder, not knowing what else to do but _needing_ to do something.

"Hold him!" Erskine growled. The veins were bulging again. His eyes were blood shot, a thin layer of sweat coated the man. He seemed deranged. Two cleavers held Dexter's arm, keeping him in place, keeping him still, and this time when Erskine swung, his fist hit home, crashing into Dexter's temple. Erskine swung again, and again, and again. He wasn't aiming for anywhere in particular.

"I get it, okay? Leave him alone, please! I'm sorry, I won't do it again! Ravel stop!" Ezra pleaded.

"You've made your point now, Erskine, leave him be." Skulduggery said, totally composed and leveled, so unlike his little sister. Blood was pouring from Dexter's face now and he was swaying, starting to slump. He was breathing heavily. When Dexter did finally slump, Erskine grabbed his shoulders to hold him down, and drove his knee into his face, chest, belly, again, and again, and again.

"Erskine, stop!" Saracen cried out, being in the cell directly next to Dexter's and closely watching it all unfold. Ezra was crying now, trembling and near enough hyperventilating. Valkyrie tried to turn Ezra's head to her shoulder, to hide it from her, but Ezra pushed her efforts off, her eyes glued on Dexter.

"Drop him." Erskine commanded, and cleavers let the man fall. Everyone thought it was done, but then Erskine started kicking him.

"Erskine, he's down!" Valkyrie shouted, but Erskine ignored her like he ignored the others. No one was sure if Dexter was still conscious. Erskine grabbed a scythe from a cleaver, and when the cleaver went to grab it back Erskine held his hand up. The cleaver stepped down.

"Erskine, please!" Ezra screeched, shaking the bars now, as if they would somehow melt away. Erskine brought the butt of the scythe down repeatedly. Then he passed it back to the cleaver, slicked his hair back and wordlessly left, a cleaver locking Dexter's cell then following. They hadn't even took the cuffs off. Ezra's knees buckled and she collapsed, wailing. Valkyrie sat beside her, pressing Ezra's head to her shoulder and smoothing her hair out. She found herself gently rocking them back and fourth.

"He's breathing." Skulduggery said quietly. And he was, his chest raggedly and shallowly rising and falling. The only movement and sounds from within the cell was Valkyrie rocking and whispering to Ezra as she softly cried.

"It's okay. He's okay. When we get out, which we will, we will make that bastard pay, I promise, it's okay, he's okay..."

Eventually, Dexter moved, only slightly. His breath hitched and he moaned as he rolled over.

"Dexter?" Ezra whispered. Everyone held their breath. He moaned again, louder, then suddenly sat up.

"Oh fuck." He wheezed, grunting as he backed himself up to the wall, leaning against it. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

"I'm okay, Ezzy." He said weakly. He didn't seem okay. His whole face was swollen, some wounds still bleeding. What was visible of the rest of him looked much the same.

"I'm so, so sorry." Ezra breathed, shaking again. Dexter shook his head, wincing as he did so.

"He's crazy. You can see it. Don't apologize for a crazy man's actions." Dexter reassured.

When morning came, what they assumed was morning, it brought with it a very angry China Sorrows with a bag over her shoulder. She was unlocking Dexter's cell as she spoke;

"It's taken me _weeks_ to get into this Sanctuary! I hadn't heard from any of you in such a long time, and then I heard the news that Ghastly Bespoke and Anton Shudder are traitors? I shouldn't think so! But I was denied access. Me! Then I saw the wedding. And I knew something was wrong. So I demanded a meeting, and I am a very difficult woman to say no to, I'm sure you all understand, so as soon as I stepped foot in the door Tipstaff gave me a bag of supplies and told me to come down here immediately and I sure am glad I did."

She said all this while she unlocked the cuffs and tossed them to side. Then she gave Dexter a small handful of leaves, which he gratefully accepted, chewing them as China took off his tie, jacket and shirt. His torso looked just as bad as his face. China passed him anti-septic wipes.

"Wash." She instructed. She had a basin and a bottle of water in the bag, and she filled the basin with the water, crumbling up a rock into the water as Dexter cleaned the blood off of his arms, chest, face and stomach, still chewing leaves. Once the water turned to mud, China rummaged in the bag then sighed.

"No gloves, perfect." She complained. Her beautiful face contorted in disgust as she scooped some mud up in her pale hand. She liberally rubbed it into his wounds, as he scooped some up too and did the same.

"So what's happening out there?" Valkyrie asked. China sighed, still focusing on the mud.

"It's a mess, dear girl, such a mess. Everyone is wondering where you all are, and then yesterday there was an uproar. Don't know why Erskine thought that ridiculous wedding was a good idea, when everyone knows Dexter Vex and Ezra Bloom have been flirting for the past four hundred years. Never one without the other, as they say. So the good news is, people are suspicious. This grand sanctuary just pops up out of no where just as the Dead Men disappear, then the two most loyal men on this planet are executed because they betrayed the Dead Men, then that absurd ordeal yesterday? The Supreme Council are ready to tear this place to shreds." She explained. Once Dexter looked like a swamp monster and the basin was empty, China stood, taking one of many towels out of the bag and vigorously cleaned the mud off her hands. Dexter reached for a towel but China scooted the bag away with her foot.

"No, it must set first." China said. "Do you know who he chose as his Elders? He kept Mist on, for starters, and he picked Charivari! That _beast_ of a warlock!" She exclaimed, her distaste clear.

"That makes sense..." Skulduggery trailed off. China whirled around to face him.

"Does it?" She asked, shocked.

"Erskine said he wanted to rule mortals. The warlocks are the only community that agree with his views." Ezra said softly. China looked at her, slowly processing it. She absentmindedly scooted the bag close to Dexter.

"You can wash that off now." She said, still deep in thought.

"I don't like not knowing these things. I should have been told. There hasn't been so much as a murmur about this outside these walls. But why? Surely the only people who aren't loyal to Erskine is in this room? Tipstaff would have gotten word out-"

"I don't mean to big us up or anything," Saracen interrupted, "But they're scared. Erskine killed two Dead Men and has the other five well hidden under lock and key. If they can do this to us, what could he do to them?" He finished. China nodded, her thoughts becoming clearer and making sense now, the last piece of a messy puzzle. Dexter was on his third towel, the angry welts and bruises looking less angry as the mud cleared away.

"I don't suppose you can let us out?" Dexter asked, his voice muffled as he wiped the mud from his face. China shook her head.

"I'm afraid not. I came to make sure you were alright, get information and fix up Vex as best I could. Now I must go meet him and see what he is up to exactly." She said.

"Better be careful, your charms might not work. He is a married man after all." Ezra said sharply. China smiled, packed up the med pack and dirty towels, locked Dexter's cell and left.

Nothing happened for the next few weeks. No visitors, except a meal a day, nothing eventful. Dexter was healing well, China leaving him the little bag of leaves which he chewed sparingly. Then Erskine came down those dreaded steps. No one stood, no one really even looked at him. No cleavers were with him. He was pale, his clothes put on hastily, his hair a mess. Under his gold eyes were black. He took a forced deep breath and blurted it out.

"The warlocks have betrayed me. They... They've gone to war with me."

"Wow." Valkyrie said slowly. "That must really suck." She sounded bored.

"I just can't imagine how that feels. Don't know if I've ever been betrayed, what about you Saracen?" Dexter asked, not bothering to hide his smug grin. Erskine gritted his teeth.

"No, Vex, I can't recall if I have." He said, blatantly amused.

"I know for a fact I haven't." Skulduggery said coolly.

"That is such a predicament you have there, Ravel. Bitten off more than you can chew? Whatever are you going to do?" Ezra asked patronizingly.

"That's enough!" Erskine snapped. "I... I need your help." He spat, the words clearly sounding awful in his mouth. There was a moment of total silence before Dexter roared with laughter. Ezra snorted then laughed along, Valkyrie and Saracen following suit.

"No, guys, this is serious. Someone needs our help. So we will do our damnedest to offer our help from our little cells. Even if that is only offering our moral support... to the warlocks." Skulduggery said. Erskine was shaking, visibly stressed and angry.

"I swallowed my pride coming down here, but I'm a smart man-"

"Are you?" Valkyrie asked,

"And I know when I need help. And I need it. Please." His shoulders sagged as he said please.

"I want a divorce." Ezra said flatly. Valkyrie had to hold in her laughter as Erskine's face turned an unhealthy shade or purple.

"Is that a yes?" He asked through his teeth. Dexter looked at Ezra and raised his eyebrow. Ezra shrugged, then glanced at Saracen who also shrugged. Saracen exchanged a look with Valkyrie and Valkyrie then shrugged herself. They all looked at Skulduggery.

"Why do I always need to make the difficult decisions?" Skulduggery asked. He unnecessarily sighed then said;

"On my terms."

"What are _your terms_ _?_ " Erskine seethed.

"These are my men. They follow my orders and my orders alone. I don't follow orders from anyone, especially not you. And when this is all over and done, we are free to go. I also want to give Ghastly and Anton proper funerals when this is over because I'm guessing you didn't to keep up with this dreadful charade of yours. And finally; if you harm any of us, I will find you, and I will rip you limb from limb, do you understand me?" Skulduggery said. Erskine hesitated, mulling his words over. He exhaled.

"Yes, agreed. I understand." He said, defeated.

"Oh and one more thing, you get a divorce."


	14. A Bad Player On A Good Team

**I just have a soft spot for Billy-Ray. Enjoy! There will probably definitely be a part two because as it would happen I am awful at one shots and don't want to upload, like, 4,000 word chapters. So, usual warnings (a little violence, and maybe bad language?) Enjoy friends!**

Billy-Ray scowled at his phone, trying to pin point the exact moment that he got stuck in this situation. The text was short but not all that sweet, from l'il miss Ezra Bloom.

 _We need your help, it's important or I wouldn't be saying this; you owe me. Xo_

While the l'il hug and kiss at the end was sweet, Billy Ray knew that there was no way this was going to go well. And he was right, he reflected, as he sat in a room full of people that he hated and who hated him, in a small wooden cabin in the middle of freezing-ville. He cradled the cup of hot chocolate that Ezra had made him, jealous of all the elementals just warming themselves up no problem. Billy-Ray tried real hard to ignore the glares he was getting from, well, everyone but Ezra.

"Why am I here, Ezra?" He asked finally, the awkward tension simply proving too irritating for him.

"I need your help." Ezra said, looking up from her card game with Dexter, Saracen and Valkyrie.

"Yes, but why?" Ghastly asked, staring holes into Billy-Ray.

"Because Billy-Ray can do something none of us can, and it seems pretty important to have all the help we can get because, like, warlocks? On a snowy mountain? Sacrificing mortals?" Ezra pointed out, laying her cards face down.

"But _him._ " Skulduggery said distastefully.

"Not that I'm not thrilled, but why are you here? Since when do you help team good?" Valkyrie asked, taking a sip from her steaming mug. Billy-Ray shrugged, smirking.

"I owe l'il Miss Sunshine over there a favour. Our paths crossed way back when." He explained.

"How's that?" Erskine asked, setting his book down. Billy-Ray looked around, the attention on him. He glanced at Ezra who shrugged.

"It was The War, you know, The War of Wars, all that stuff. An' I was in too deep. Gettin' in with the bad crowd, an' I wasn't doin' too well. So I figured I'd kill Ezra Bloom, surely that'd get me in her good books-"

"I didn't know I could dislike you more than I already did." Saracen interrupted.

"I'm not done," Billy-Ray drawled, "So I went, my good ol' razor sharpened and ready, but I never even got the chance. I didn't realize I was at the top of their problems list, an' I was, so they got me you see, tied me up, threw me around. Then they took a spoon, put it in a fire to get it all hot-"

"Oh gods..." Dexter said quietly, staring at the dark sunglasses. Billy-Ray nodded.

"They held me down and pried my eyes open an', well, I'm sure you fine folk can work it out. They were just about to start cutting bits off when, here's the real kicker, l'il Miss Sunshine knocks the door down. See she heard my screamin', I'm man enough to admit I was screamin', and she assumed I was a POW. So she set them alight, untied me, tended to my sockets and took me to a sorcerer who could get me my sight back. They owed her something too, and she used the favor on me. She nearly turned me Team Good." He finished, taking a big gulp of hot chocolate. Ezra half smiled.

"Wasn't enough though, was it?" She said, picking her cards back up. Billy-Ray shrugged, lighting a cigarette with flick lighter and taking a draw.

"More money in killing people." He said.

"More favours in helping people." Ezra countered.

They sat playing cards, or reading, or just generally chatting, someone always posted at the small window overlooking the snowy shards of mountains and black sky full of stars, waiting for the warlocks to slip up. It was around 3am that something did happen.

"I see something." Anton said, sitting up for a better view. The rest crowded round him, peering out of the little window. It was far away, a tiny flickering speck, but it was speck that hadn't been there moments before.

"Can you get us there?" Ezra asked quietly. Billy-Ray whistled lowly, deep in thought, then nodded.

"I think so." He said, still staring.

"Alright, gear up. We move in five." Skulduggery said, and then the cosy cabin was loud and hectic and chaotic as everyone gathered weapons, jackets, gloves, hats, scarves, anything to stay warm in the sub-zero temperature. Once everyone, besides Skulduggery, was sufficiently bundled up, they linked up. Valkyrie groaned as she took hold of Skulduggery's and Ezra's hands, knowing what was coming up. She squeezed her eyes shut as the floor splintered, and then they were in the rock, smashed together in a pile of limbs, and then they were out in the open, freezing air.

There were five burning stakes, a person tied to each one, and at least eighty angry warlocks.

"This was a terrible idea." Billy-Ray said smoothly.

"How _dare_ you!" One of them screeched. The warlock stepped forward, a rather unimpressive man with thinning mousy hair.

"This is sacred. This is our beliefs, our practice!" The warlock hissed. Skulduggery shrugged.

"It's a breech of peace. You're killing mortals-"

"Sacrificing!" The warlock spat.

" _Killing_ mortals, and we have come here to tell you to stop." Skulduggery finished.

"To tell us to stop? How dare you insult us! I am Ware Locke-"

"Wait, what?" Valkyrie asked, trying, and failing, to hide her laughter.

"You joined the magic world knowing exactly what you wanted, didn't you?" Dexter asked, grinning. Ware Locke's face was going an unhealthy shade of red.

"Well, you know what they say, fail to prepare, prepare to fail." Ezra chided, grinning.

"This is sacred. How dare you." He turned to the warlocks.

"Uh-oh." Ghastly whispered.

"Kill them!" Ware Locke shrieked.

"Ezra, get the mortals. Billy-Ray and Dexter cover her. Take them back, Billy-Ray, then get back here. The rest of you, offensive, with me!" Skulduggery barked, advancing already. Ezra bolted to the stakes, Dexter and Billy-Ray following close behind. Any warlock that came close to the trio quickly regretted it. The first mortal was a toddler, the second a little girl, the third a teenage boy, the fourth a middle aged woman, the fifth an elderly man. The five stages of life, Ezra thought numbly.

"Hold on to each other and don't let go!" Ezra ordered, picking the toddler up and grabbing Billy-Ray. The mortals screamed as they entered the earth, then they were spat back up into the little cabin.

"We'll be right back, make yourselves comfy, get yourselves warm." Dexter said, grabbing Ezra and Billy-Ray and then they were underground again, and then they were back to the warlocks.


	15. If You Think You're Hard Enough

**Lil Tanith/Ezra fight scene just because. Set during the Maleficent Seven (Spoilers my dudes), when Wilhelm betrays them, Dexter calls Ezra in, because he likes the number seven.**

The black veins were what really put Ezra on edge. As well as the black lips. And the very long, very sharp sword. As well as the manic smile and wild, black eyes. To be frank, all of Tanith Low put Ezra on edge and it was a struggle. A really big struggle. Ezra unsnapped her arnis, lighting it up. The glow reflected in Tanith's black irises.

"Ooh, pretty." She said, staring at the burning gold magic.

"We don't have to do this. Please, I really don't want to do this..." Ezra said, taking a step back. Tanith smirked and stepped forward. Ezra took another step back, the back of her thighs hitting the coffee table. Her eyes widened a fraction, just as Tanith said

"Come and have a go... If you think you're hard enough."

Ezra swallowed, shaking her head. "No, no. I don't think i'm hard enough-" Ezra was cut off as Tanith's sword came whizzing down. Ezra jolted out of the way, only just, the sharp blade slicing the table top. Tanith swung again, but this time Ezra whipped her arnis in front of her, the two weapons clashing together, jarring Ezra's wrist. Tanith lazily danced a few steps back, shifting left to right. Ezra lunged, aiming for the side of Tanith's head. Tanith blocked the blow with her sword, quickly sliding it back. It caught Ezra's forearm and left a long slash. Ezra cried out, lurching back, nearly dropping her arnis. She gritter her teeth, and whirled around to get momentum, but when she turned to face Tanith, she was gone. Ezra inhaled lightly, looking around. Then she heard a chuckle from above. Just Ezra looked up, Tanith dropped, falling on Ezra's back. Tanith grabbed Ezra's arnis and launched it across the room, then she grabbed her arm and wrenched it behind her back, holding it there.

"Where are the Godkillers?!" Tanith sneered. Ezra gasped but said nothing. Tanith bent her arm back until it popped out of place with a sickeningly loud noise, and Ezra screamed. Ezra closed her eyes and focused, sending heat into her arm until it burned Tanith and she lurched back. Ezra jumped up, cradling her injured arm. She was breathing heavily, swaying. Fighting was never really Ezra's area of expertise. She scanned the discarded living-room for her arnis, but didn't have time before Tanith was there again, her burns already healed.

"That was sneaky, Ezra. Didn't know you had it in you." Tanith said. Ezra had half a mind to run. In the near future she would reflect on this exact moment and decide running would have been the best course of action, because Billy-Ray Sanguine broke through the surface of the living-room floor, holding a very pale, very unimpressive looking teenager.

"Grab her!" Tanith yelled as a greeting. Billy-Ray launched himself at Ezra, who tried to swerve out of the way but didn't get far enough away to. Billy-Ray grabbed her dislocated arm and Ezra screeched.

"Sorry darlin', I just can't let the fiance down you know what I mean?" Billy-Ray drawled.

"Could you loosen your grip on my arm please?" Ezra slurred, and surprisingly Billy-Ray did. Tanith was holding her sword again, sneering.

"I know your little boyfriend has two, at least. And I know that he called you for back up once Wilhelm here decided to betray him. Tell me." Tanith said, a little less Tanith and a little more remnant. Ezra shook her head.

"I honestly, truly, don't know. He didn't tell me where he was keeping them. I don't even know which two he has, honest." Tanith sighed then nodded her head to Billy-Ray. He slashed Ezra's belly with his straight razor. Ezra wasn't expecting company, so her mortal-made top split in two, blood already spilling out. She swallowed heavily but said nothing.

"Maybe she really doesn't know." Wilhelm whined. He hated the sight of blood. Tanith moved so quickly, Ezra didn't even register what had happened until the skin on her collar bone split opened. Ezra let out a choked noise.

"She must. They tell each other everything!" Tanith insisted. She was getting flustered. Ezra tried to summon magic into her arm again, for Billy-Ray to let go, but stupid Wilhelm noticed.

"Her arm is glowing!" He said, more in awe than anything else. Ezra cursed as Billy-Ray threw her to the ground. Tanith growled and hit Ezra with the butt of her sword. The room tilted and Ezra saw stars as she groaned.

"Three sorcerers against one? That's hardly fair, don't you think?" Said a very low, very commanding voice. Tanith muttered a distasteful word as she turned to see Frightening Jones in the door way. She smiled a dazzling smile.

"Hello, handsome." She said pleasantly. Frightening's face did not change. Aurora Jane stepped out from behind Frightening. She looked as unimpressed as Frightening. The Monster hunters slipped in from the kitchen, obviously using the back door. Then Saracen and Dexter rather disgracefully jumped in through the window. It was very messy, and not very well executed.

"Seven on three doesn't seem fair either." Tanith pointed out. Dexter shrugged.

"You started it." He said simply, summoning energy in his hands, but Billy-Ray had already grabbed Wilhelm and Tanith and the three were seeping into the floor.

"I swear to god," Ezra slurred from the ground, "You are _forbidden_ from hiding big, scary weapons in our house." Dexter grinned as he helped her sit up.

"Are they still here?" He asked, giving her some leaves. She nodded.

"Still under the bed, yes."


	16. The Partner Before Valkyrie Cain

**This is inspired by tanu-the-avocado on tumblr, go check them out! Their content is great! Violence, language, etc. Hope you enjoy!**

Jericho Blade held the map up again, squinting his eyes as he leaned forward, trying to follow the thin red line.

"A left up here..." He murmured, but he didn't sound convinced. Skulduggery tilted his head.

"Are you quite sure? You don't sound very sure." Skulduggery said in return, slowing the Bentley down slightly in case his partner changed his mind. Jericho tutted.

"A left." He snapped. Skulduggery sped up, turning left, secretly hoping that Jericho was wrong just so he could be smug. He wasn't wrong. Skulduggery took in the surroundings, not knowing what to say. He thinks he likes Jericho. After all, Skulduggery reflected, he was in peak physical condition. He was charming, charismatic, clever. The problem was, he was cold. And it wasn't just necromancer magic. Jericho was icy in every sense of the word. But perhaps Skulduggery just hadn't warmed up to him yet. This was their first mission together, after being thrust together under the Sanctuary's command. It was an important case, a group of rogue necromancers were experimenting and it wasn't ending well. However, they needed a necromancer to get onto the grounds because it's sacred, or something of that matter. The Grand Mage had emailed him, of all things, saying there wasn't enough time for a proper debriefing. Hence, Jericho Blade. He kept his magic in a small, pitch black dagger that he wore in a black, leather thigh holster. He was always mindlessly rubbing the hilt of the blade. They drove in an awkward, uncomfortable silence the rest of the way, long stretches of road with no options but straight meant no need for directions, so no need for speaking. The flat fields started to gradually swerve up into rollings hills, and it wasn't very difficult to find the necromancer's position, as the grass around it had been drained of life and color.

"Not very... hidden." Skulduggery observed as he drove onto the dead grass. Jericho shrugged.

"It took us hours to find here, I doubt mortals will just happen upon it." He said, uninterested.

 _I don't think I like him._ The small thought appeared in the back of his mind, and he brushed it away. Now wasn't the time. Skulduggery stopped the Bentley and checked his gun for bullets, then his pockets for extras. He adjusted his hat and looked over at his partner.

"Ready?" He asked. Jericho shrugged. The two men got out of the car, the familiar locking beep sounding out. They both crept round the small, stout building. It was bare, just cement with one door and two small, rather pathetic excuses for windows. Skulduggery went left of the door, and so did Jericho. If Skulduggery could, he would have frowned. He begrudgingly moved to the right of the door, and held up three fingers. Jericho nodded. Skulduggery lowered one finger, then a second, then the third. Then he blasted the door open. He had his pistol in one hand, a flame in the other. He took a step in, then another. Then the floor lit up and he screamed, falling to his knees, the flame going out, the pistol clattering to the ground. Jericho quietly shut the door behind them. Six robed figures stepped out into the light, passing a black robe to Jericho who silently put it on. Skulduggery clutched his chest. It felt like he was being ripped bone from bone.

"I don't- understand!" He gasped.

"This is all for you, Mr Pleasant. It's alarmingly easy to fake an email. Technology, huh? What can you do?" Jericho said, smiling an unsettling smile. Skulduggery lurched forward, writhing, gasping. He was in an odd in-between state of living and dying, alive and dead. Flesh was flickering on him, his past self. Pale skin and blue eyes and brown hair, but with it came all of his wounds, and the pain of them. Then he was a skeleton again, then flesh again. Flickering like a candle.

"What- are- you- doing- to- me?" He choked out.

"Draining you of what is rightfully ours. A necromancer surly must have given you this. You were dead. We are alive. We will be immortal, Mr Pleasant." Jericho said. He clasped hands with the six figures, forming a circle around Skulduggery. He couldn't speak, he could barely think. He screamed, his back arching. He was becoming fully alive again, staying that way for a lot longer than skeleton. He gritted his teeth, he had to focus, he could feel himself getting weaker by the second. He reached his hand out, with great difficulty, and slowly reached for his gun. They necromancers had closed their eyes and were chanting, their voices rising steadily. Skulduggery clutched his gun, still screaming, and fired a shot at one of them. The woman's eyes opened as the bullet hit her between the eyes and she lurched back. Skulduggery didn't have time to ponder as he unloaded another two bullets, hitting his mark each time.

"No!" Jericho screeched, lurching forward. He crashed into Skulduggery, his dagger in hand. Skulduggery felt his strength flood back to him, and he took full advantage of it, summoning a fire ball and pressing it to Jericho's shoulder. He shrieked again, then rolled off of him. Skulduggery stood, ready to face the other two, but they had left. He breathed heavy, picking his hat up and fixing it before putting it back on. Jericho was on the ground, whimpering, clutching his injured arm.

"What I don't understand," Skulduggery said, taking his phone out and sending a text for a clean up team, "Is you said immortal. Why would a group of necromancers want to live forever? I thought the whole point was to die?" Skulduggery said lowly.

"We could make an army of immortals." Jericho hissed. Skulduggery tilted his head.

"I don't think I understand. Either you didn't do your research, or I didn't."

"We don't _want_ to die-"

" 'We' as in you and your group of extremists or 'we' as in necromancers as a whole?" Skulduggery asked.

"My group and I don't want to die. If we became immortal we could destroy the earth, feed off of that death, that coldness. Do you know how strong we would be?" Jericho asked, a slight whine in his voice. Skulduggery shrugged.

"I always thought when you pick a path of magic, you were at least supposed to have vague idea of what it's all about. I guess I was wrong." Skulduggery pondered, more to himself then Jericho, and Jericho decided now was a great time to lunge. It wasn't. Jericho had the dagger in his hand and screeched as he ran at Skulduggery. Skulduggery grabbed Jericho's wrist and bent it, forcing the dagger back, into Jericho's forehead. The necromancer's eyes went wide, then he collapsed. Shadows swished and swirled around the dagger, evaporating into nothing, until the dagger was just a plain silver blade with a faded handle.


	17. Remnants

**Okay so this was a roller coaster to write but shout out to Mimi for helping me with the plot, keeping me on track and for beta reading this! Violence, torture, surprisingly no swear words! Hope you guys enjoy, and this will have a few more chapters added to it!**

Cassandra Pharos had seen more than anyone should be aloud to see in one life. She had seen loves and losses, scandals and betrayals, births and deaths. She had seen laughing and crying, elation and agony and everything in between. She was older than she had any right to be, so she wasn't very sad when the knife punctured her splien. The sorcerers had given her leaves and she felt... Peaceful. No pain, no suffering. It would seem those around her were suffering more, she reflected. She was on her back, on her couch, in her destroyed living room. Ezra Bloom was holding her hand, crying heavily, Valkyrie Cain kneeling beside her. Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke were standing behind the couch, rapidly tapping their phone screens for Fletcher or a medic, whichever came first. Cassandra knew she wouldn't make it. Dexter Vex and Anton Shudder and Erskine Ravel and Saracen Rue were trying to busy themseleves by picking up shelves and tables and the overall tattered living room. They had to do _something._ Cassandra understood, she too felt that nervous anxiety when standing still in a time of crisis.

"Cassandra... Did you see anything?" Skulduggery asked quietly. Cassandra didn't trust herself to speak so she shook her head. One moment she was making tea, the next she had been stabbed. She had a bad feeling, so she had called Valkyrie for company. But Valkyrie was clever and knew that if Cassandra had a bad feeling it must be very, very bad. So they all came... But it had been too late. The attacker had already done it and then left. Cassandra gave Ezra's hand a squeeze, smiled faintly, then closed her eyes for the last time. Ezra glanced and Dexter and grinned.

"Glad that's over." She said, wiping the tears away and standing up.

"What did you say?" Valkyrie asked, appalled and angry and surprised more than anything.

"Why are you smi- oh no." Ghastly started, as Ezra's lips slowly turned black.

"Remnants." Skulduggery said, as if it hadn't clicked for anyone else yet. Valkyrie lurched away from Ezra just as Anton and Dexter took a step towards her, their lips the same black.

"Oh hell." Erskine said warily.

"It was nothing personal, honest. She just knew too much, that's all." Anton said, smiling.

Skulduggery made a grab for his gun but Ezra wrapped a thick, black vine around his wrist.

"Oh... This is nice." She said as she clenched her fist and yanked, the vine ripping Skulduggery's hand from his wrist bone. Dexter threw his head back and laughed as Valkyrie cried out and Skulduggery moaned. Erskine summoned a fire ball and threw it at Dexter, who met it with a black stream of energy, enveloping the flame.

"Get out of them." Skulduggery said through gritted teeth.

"Why? She's so strong... Did you know that? She hides most of her power. You all have only seen the surface of what she can do." Ezra said, her eyes black now. Anton grunted and Ghastly yelled for everyone to run, and they did. Valkyrie and Skulduggery, who bent down to retrieve his hand, ran down the hall, Erskine and Ghastly ran out the front door and Saracen ran through the back door. Dexter ran down the hall as Ezra ran out the back door and Anton, and his gist, ran out the front door. But they were gone. They weren't outside or in any of the rooms. When they met back in the living room, Cassandra's body was gone.

"Fletcher." Dexter said distastefully.

"What do we do now?" Anton asked, looking at his two companions. Dexter shrugged but Ezra grinned.

"For now, we wait. But we need to get Saracen Rue and find out what he knows." Ezra stated, clearly with all the authority. Then she turned and walked away, the other two following close behind.

It took a while, but sleep finally wrapped itself around Saracen. The day had just not gone the way they wanted it to and it played on his mind like a broken record. But finally, he slept. A nice, restless, dreamless sleep. But then he was awake. And there was a pressure on his chest, and something cold on his neck, and a small hand clasped over his mouth. His eyes shot open, grabbing the wrist of the intruder. It was Ezra, but with black eyes and lips and viens etching across her face.

"Shhh..." She hushed him. It sounded just like her. Saracen really despised remnants.

"Make a move and I'll kill you, okay? Nod your head if you understand." She said so softly, so sweetly. Saracen stared at her for a moment, hoping that Ezra would break free and it would be over. But nothing of the sort happened. Saracen nodded slowly, all too aware of the blade on his throat. Ezra got off of his chest, just as Dexter put a damp cloth over his mouth. Saracen screamed, flailing, trying to get him off. But someone else, Anton he imagined, grabbed hold of his arm, Ezra kneeling on the other one. Saracen was finding it difficult to concentrate, the sickly sweet drowning his mind.

The three possessed sorcerers dragged his limp body to the car they had rigged. They tied his wrists and ankles and shoved him in the boot, then they got in and drove to the house they had taken. It had been a family of five and the remnants tore them to shreds. It had been a great deal of fun. It was a long drive, but they needed time to get the information from Rue. They dragged him into the house, the five dead bodies littered the dining room and living room. Dexter and Anton tied him to a dining room chair while Ezra went and looked for ways to persuade him. She found a tool box and grinned, grabbing it and running back to her friends. Dexter punched Saracen, hard, in the gut. Saracen's eyes flew open as he gagged. He clenched his fists and tried to tense to break the ropes but it didn't work.

"What are you- why are you doing this?" He asked, eyes wide. He was scared.

Ezra casually sat on his lap and she felt him flinch. She chose to hide the black veins and lips and eyes. She looked at Dexter and Anton for them to do the same.

"See? Better. We are your friends, Saracen. Tell us what you know. Tell us how you defeat Darquesse? Who does it? What do you know? Help a girl out, hmmm?" She asked in a light, airy voice. Saracen shook his head.

"I don't know anything, and even if i did i wouldn't tell you." He said, trying to be as defiant as he could while tied to a chair. Ezra tutted sadly.

"I think you're lying, Saracen. It's okay, it might take some time but we will get the information that we need." She said sweetly. Saracen was visibly struggling now, trying to break the ropes but it wasn't working.

"Do you remember Grouse?" Ezra asked as she opened the tool box. She looked at Saracen, exoecting an answer. He nodded.

"See, I was the remnant that was in him and i know a surprising amount pain. Anything you'd like to add?" Ezra asked. Saracen was lurching now, the chair moving back and fourth.

"Anton, hold him still. Dexter, stretch his hand out." Ezra ordered. Anton slammed his hands on Saracen's shoulders, and Dexter spread his hand out on the arm of the chair. Ezra neared him holding a bag of nails and a hammer.

"No, no please, no, stop, please!" Saracen begged. Ezra ignored him, resting the tip of a long, sharp nail on his hand. She grinned at him then hit the nail with the hammer as hard as she could. Saracen screamed, throwing his head, saying every swear word he knew under the sun.

"Anything you want to say?" Dexter asked. Saracen was breathing heavily, his chest heaving.

"Stop, please, i don't know anything, please." Saracen breathed.

"That just won't do." Anton said.

In the morning they decided that maybe Saracen didn't know anything. He had nails in his hands, his thighs, his feet, his forearms, his collarbones and he was missing three molars. Ezra sighed in frustration and took her phone out. She took a photo of Saracen, he was barely concious. She sent the photo to Valkyrie Cain, with the address, then the three left.


End file.
